I know you're waiting for me
by Maano
Summary: You can't break a heart that is shattered into pieces. You can't heal a heart when the only person who can fix you is gone./Brittana one-shot


Here I am.

On the floor of my bedroom, with my head on my knees and tears running down my face.

"I can't do this" I cry.

My parents are standing by the door, but they won't get me out of here. Not today. Not any day.

Not until I know you will be there.

I throw off my veil and kick off my black boots. I don't want to feel these clothes on my skin anymore. It hurts too much.

I don't know how long I have been sitting here. It feels like time has stopped ever since you left me.

You left me for somebody else, you promised you never would.

But yet, here I am. Alone on my bedroomfloor, staring at your picture in my hands.

"Rest in Peace" the card says.

I want to rip it apart, like death did with my heart, but I know you wouldn't want that. I know it won't bring you back.

I believe that you will rest in peace, but what about me? You _were_ my peace.

You were peace, and love, and everything good in this miserable stinking world. And now you're gone, and you took everything with you.

I can't live without you, Brittany. You know that.

Why did you fucking leave me?

Why?

You could've tried harder. You could've fought harder!

For us, for you, for me.

I should've loved you harder.

I should've loved you sooner, better, but not more.

I couldn't possibly love anyone in this world more than I love you. I love you, Brittany.

I love you I love you I love you.

Can you hear me?

Please look over me as you have always done before. Make sure I don't hurt anyone, tell me when I'm not living my life right. Make sure that I am safe, be my angel, just as you have always been.

They say it doesn't always need a knife to kill someone. Sometimes all it takes is a simple goodbye.

And I believe in that, but how should I feel?

How should I feel, without a goodbye?! Without anything! You're gone!

You're gone.

I hear Quinn's voice. I know the whole Glee club is standing in front of my door, ready to be there for me, ready to care.

But are they really that stupid? Do they really think that's what I want?

Everything already reminds me of you! Everything!

Even the floor I am sitting on, I have played games with you on. The pictures on my nightstand, your favourite chair, my fucking closet.

Every. Single. Thing.

You are everywhere, do you know that? You have always been.

You're in my veins, in my blood, in my bones. You're in the air I breathe, in the ground I walk on.

God, how horrible am I for realising you are actually in the ground I walk on.

I lay down on my back and stare at the ceiling.

"I can't do this" I whisper to myself.

My parents are back. They tell me Glee club came by, and Quinn alone too. They knock on my door and say they have prepared my favourite for dinner.

I don't yell at them. They don't know any better.

They don't feel what I feel, nobody does.

I can feel every cell in my body and everything hurts, but at the same time I am numb. I feel like nothing can hurt me anymore.

You can't break a heart that is shattered into pieces.

You can't heal a heart when the only person who can fix you is dead.

You're dead, Brittany.

You're dead.

I don't have the strength in my body to get up on my feet. I crawl over to the bathroom on my hands and knees, leaving a trace of tears behind me.

"I can't do this .."

I manage to pull myself up on the sink and take the blade in my hand that I have been hiding for days.

"I can't do this" I say, as I step into the bath tub. The cold water freezes me, but nothing hurts me anymore.

I'm sorry that I have to do this, Brittany.

I sit down, my clothes are soaked. My teardrops make cirkels in the water and fill the bath with never ending sadness.

"I can't do this" I whisper, as I slide the blade across my skin, and my teardrops turn red.

"I can't do this" My voice is quiet, but my words echoe against the bathroom tiles.

"I can't .." I whisper, as I kill myself one more time, and I lay my head down.

I know you're waiting for me, Britt ..

Don't worry, I'll be there soon.


End file.
